Levitation Day 1 Recap: Dangerously Good Weather And A Total Sh* t Show

Are you an atheist? If so, that’s altogether cool. We don’t have any fake hundred-dollar bills to give you which reveal that “true wealth comes from the Lord” when they unravel. However, we do have some rough news: While a lot of people act like atheism is shunning the responsibility that comes with religion in order to waste time wearing black clothes and getting to third base with unmarried demons or whatever, it actually entails taking up a few unforeseen adversities. For instance …



Let’s start with the fact that everyone apparently believes atheists are the scum of the Earth, according to many surveys. I don’t particularly believe in God myself, so I’m just as disappointed by this news as anyone. And while I’d love to hold this up as an example of believers being dorks, those same polls show that even atheists loathe and mistrust other atheists. Even we can’t wrap our heads around the idea of someone having a moral code without a higher power to enforce it.


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To determine how this anti-atheist bias works, researchers asked 3,000 people in 13 countries the most reasonable question ever: “If there was a person who used to torture animals as a child, then they grew up and became a educator who murdered a bunch of homeless dudes, would you figure this person was an atheist or religious? ” I wish that was my joke, because it’s kind of awesome, but it’s not. That’s literally the question they asked. And throughout the whole survey, people were twice as likely to suspect the murderer of being an atheist. Even atheists believed the person was more likely to be an atheist. Incidentally, I’m pretty sure I had that teacher for art history.

In a second study which polled Canadians and Americans, participants were asked to imagine a hit-and-run driver fleeing after reaching a parked car, then later finding a billfold and stealing all the money. What a shitberg. They then asked participants if said shitberg was more likely to be a teacher, an atheist teacher, or a rapist educator. Your first inclination here might be to wonder why, in both this example and the previous one, all the shitbergs are teachers. Maybe people aren’t biased against atheists as much as they just loathe teachers. The second takeaway here is that yes, people suspected the driver of being an atheist over a rapist. Over a goddamn rapist . Come on. DTAG 10 TT

If the year 2017 teach you nothing else about politics, it should be that politics is worse than having a hedgehog chew a hole through one of your kidneys. We’ve experienced financial tomfuckery, sexual harassment and assault, enough lies to choke a circus elephant, and more childish insults than a roast combat at a daycare. People the world over was formally tolerate anything from politicians — except atheism .


In the grand scheme of things people hate from their elected officials, it looks like atheism is getting close to the last straw. 37 percent of people would be less likely to vote for a legislator who’d had an affair, and 41 percent would be less likely to vote for one who’d had financial problems, but 51 percent would be less likely to vote for an atheist. A bankrupt philanderer could become president if he claimed to be Christian. Can you imagine? What a world, am I right?

A Gallup poll suggests that 58 percent of Americans would be willing to vote for an atheist nominee, and while that number sounds promising, the polls also show that only a socialist would have less supporting, at 47 percentage, and a Muslim candidate would have 60 percentage supporting, while a lesbian nominee be coming back at 74 percentage. So for the socialists/ atheists out there who were hoping for a like-minded government some day, it looks like we’ll likely be colonizing Mars before that happens.


If you’re a religion sort of person, what comes to mind when “youre thinking about” atheists? Is it some smug Richard Dawkins various kinds of guy trying to explain the miracle of magnets to you with so-called science? Or is it the cold, grim hand of demise? Bet it’s that second one. And also that first one. But largely that second one, since atheists just make everyone think of the Reaper, apparently. This, as you can imagine, does not improve people’s attitudes toward them.

Researchers discovered this out via studies that began with putting topics in a morbid mindset with questions like “What’s going to happen to you after you die? ” and “How many explosive charges do you think you could plant in your own butt before using a Slip ‘N Slide becomes a fatal mistake? “( Paraphrasing — they were all about demise, is the point .) Another group was asked dark but non-death-related questions.

Everyone was then asked their opinions on Quakers and atheists. As expected, everyone believed the first group were just smug-ass oatmeal jockeys, and had much darker guess about the second one. But while there were negative positions on atheists across the board, the subjects who were focusing thinking about death truly, really detested them.

A second study just had people do some fill-in-the-blanks fun after being asked to think about atheism, ache, or death. The atheism and death crowd both filled in their blanks with that gloomy, morose shit, with the study concluding that the very idea of atheism is existentially threatening to a ton of people. So if you’re an atheist and you find yourself on the shit end of some evangelical hatred, it’s only because your entire being threatens not just that person’s existence, but their entire understanding of said existence. You literally cause people to question the fabric of their reality. Good for you! But before we go patting ourselves on the back too hard …




If you had to guess who is more open-minded between atheists and religious folk, you’d probably choose atheists without even putting much thought into it. “Conservative” tends to be synonymous with “religious, ” and “liberal” runs hand in hand with “atheist, ” right? Well hold onto your non-denominational butt, because it looks like there are some circumstances in which atheists tend to be more rigidly dogmatic than their happy Christian counterparts.

Now, don’t go writing letters to your congressperson about what a lying asshole I am, because odds are they’re likely more of a lying asshole anyway. Plus I’m Canadian, so I can abuse whatever narrative I want in the U.S. and no one can stop me, save a very skilled and unceasingly polite beaver and syrup technician. But I’m also citing a study which does support the notion that when “it came to subtly measured inclination to integrate views that were diverging and contrary to one’s own perspectives, it was the religious who showed more openness.”

Does this mean lesbian people are going to be style more welcome at Roy Moore’s Evangelical Jamboree and Sidewalk Sale? Probably not. The phase of the study was mostly to show that close-mindedness is not the exclusive purview of the religion, and that atheists can actually become so dogmatic in their disbelief that anything that challenges that lack of faith will be met with more inflexibility than information which may challenge the beliefs of someone who is religious. In short, everyone loves to put their thumbs in their ears and yell “Nuh-uh, I can’t hear youuuuu” sometimes.


When you reach high school, a whole new world opens up to you, in which super cool children who wear leather coats and use switchblade combs offer you beers and cigarettes and that wicked electric lettuce. Will you give in to peer pressure, or will you remain stalwart and square? What stimulates you more likely to choose one over the other? Anxiety of divine retribution, apparently.

Studies of both Swiss and Mexican/ Mexican American youth have shown that those who have a religion affiliation is beneficial for a protective effect when it comes to substance abuse. Religiosity is associated with less employ of alcohol, tobacco, or marijuana … despite the fact that even the godless teens grew up in a world full of anti-drug PSAs and preachy sitcom episodes.

Numerous studies show that if a religious or spiritual community carries direct proscriptions and limitations against utilize or abuse, the followers are likely going to go along. This may not just be about fearing eternal hellfire; it could also be that simply having a community of like-minded people provides a sense of acceptance and belonging. That subsistence group means you’re less likely to want some sweet Schnapps for breakfast, and also they’ll be able to help you resist it if/ when you do.



There’s evidence to suggest that religious people who regularly attend church have a longer lifespan than people who don’t, like your friendly neighborhood atheist. So the ones who believe there’s something after life have to wait longer to find out than the ones who don’t, on average. That’s a final insult for someone — you only need to decide for whom.

A study of 75, 000 middle-aged nurses in the United States showed that participants who regularly attended church services over a 20 -year period, as in once a week, had a 33 percentage lower risk of dying during the study period than those who didn’t. Jesus saves! Maybe!

The thing to keep in mind with this research is that it isn’t exclusively faith that’s keeping anyone alive. The same data shows that countries that are much more religion overall, such as places in Sub-Saharan Africa , still have much higher mortality rates than the U.S. Conversely, more secular nations like Japan have higher life expectancy overall. So what’s the phase? It’s in the difference between the two.

People who are not religion in the U.S. are, as every other entry here depicts, walking pilings of rapidly steaming shit in the eyes of everyone else. Atheists are the gangly, body-odor-laden

children of the Babadook

. That special brand of ostracism places atheists, by and large, outside of social participation. If you’re not trusted as a politician, if you’re not as able to engage in charitable and community outreach projects because most of them jointly organized by churches and religious groups, if people assume you’re a rapist educator, then you don’t have that same support base as religious people. On average, you don’t have the encouragement of others, or a ton of coordinated people who will take an interest in your welfare. And you would if you lived in a predominately secular nation, where many of these community groups are also secular and atheists are more accepted as part of the community.

Is the conclusion here that religion people are inadvertently killing atheists? I never said that, and neither did you. Not even sure who typed that sentence. But you can conclude that in a nation that leans more toward religion, those who do not partake have social drawbacks that the majority does not take into account. The majority just wants them to burn in a Hell they don’t even believe in, which they’ll get to slightly earlier.

Nothing wrong with being a child of the Babadook. ATAG 25 TTGet Babashook !

. Please and thank you .

Read more: ATAG 27 TThttp :// www.cracked.com/ blog/ 6-unpredictable-dangers-being-atheist /~ ATAGEND

To catch y’all up who are just tuning in, Levitation, aka Austin Psych Fest, was canceled Thursday evening, a mere 20 hours before the festival was scheduled to begin, due to “dangerous weather conditions.”

As it turns out, the clouds blew over and the sunshine came out to glisten on a complete sh* t show that was day one of the festival. Here’s a timeline of exactly what went down.

12: 30 pm — I touch down in Austin with no expectations.

Ilanded in Austin, Texas not knowing what to expect, guessing it’d be pouring and I might use my passes to get first dibs on rescheduled displays relocated throughout the city. As I get off the plane, it was drizzling, but that soon slackened to a dewy and not altogether unpleasant mist.

What I also didn’t expect was a complete free-for-all, a mad dash for tickets that unavoidably sold out within minutes on an ill-equipped website that maintained crashing. My passes were rendered meaningless as Levitation removed itselffrom the situation and placed the responsibility on the artists and venues to scramble to set alternative shows together.

Still, I remained optimistic, sure I’d assure some live music one way or another.

2: 00 pm — A Twitter apocalypse forms outside a dive-y barn bar.

Tickets for The Brian Jonestown Massacre and Slowdive were on the top of my priority list as I’d bought tickets to Levitation primarily to see them in the first place.

So, Iwent straight to Historic Scoot Inn, a dive-y, refurbished barn where BJM and Slowdive were expected to play, andIfound a strange mix of old school rock’ n’ roll and 21 st-century tech.

Everyone — I entail everyone — was looking down at his or herphone. The aim changed from blissing out to psychedelic music to trollingTwitter for concert tips.

I had to weed through the slew of misinformation being tossed around the Internet, because, again, Levitation organizers were useless. It was as though they set off a bomb and then floated quietly into the night.

Meanwhile, everyone wasjerked around by Texas ticketing siteTransmission Events. While waiting in a line that wrap around the building, with the hot frying my brain, the panic built up Imight not get tickets.

I turned to look at one guy behind me who was staring down at his phone, dejected, and heard him say, “This is so stressful.”

5: 00 pm — Transmission officially f* cks everyone over.

“Bad news, ” the manager said, poking his head out, employing the back entrance to shield himself.

Three hours later — yes, three hours later — I learned Transmission oversold the ticket restriction on its website, therefore the 50 or so people waiting in line right outside were sh* t out of luck.

Meanwhile, scalpers who bought tickets online were reselling them for $75 a piece when they were originally going for $5.

5: 15 pm — I can’t even get some goddamn barbecue.

Wandering away from the venue, hungry and dazed, I sought out a highly recommended barbecue spot only to find this.

Really, BBQ ?! Really ?!

8: 00 pm — Rumors circulate the celebration wasn’t canceled due to weather issues at all.

At this phase, I’d never felt more like a headless chicken. Having made my route back to Scoot Inn to check out the situation, Isat with dozens of other fans on the lawn outside trying to salvage the situation. Stuffed with quesadilla and guacamole, I sat down on the grass and promptly dozed off.

With a perfect breeze cooling me off, it seemed the risk of being bad weather had disappeared along with the thundercloud. While Levitation attributed the final decision to cancel to Travis County, others were saying it could have had more to do with the fact the celebration didn’t sell out.

Just the day before it wascanceled, Levitation was drumming up the celebration instead of cautioning people it might not go down.

This kind of promotion constructed fans suspicious the cancellation had more to do with recouping expenses via insurance and using the weather as a scapegoat.

10: 30 pm — I hear dope live music at last.

At the Hole in the Wall, I observed redemption. Cellar Door was scheduled to play and with a lineup of great local bands before it, live music was within my reach.

Iran into Danny Lee Blackwell from Night Beat and chatted about the mess of a day.

But ultimately, Bob Dylan said it best…

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